Everybody poops. I know this. You know this. My three year old Lucy knows this.
What Lucy doesn't know or understand yet, is that most people prefer to poop alone.
I know, it's a real shocker, but many preschoolers don't understand what privacy is, or why people want it. I figure this is due to the fact that Lucy still requires help wiping her ass after she poops.
I'm trying to teach her that people don't like looking up from their kindle or magazine to find a little kiddo sitting on the step stool in the bathroom looking at you. Most people don't want to ask you how your day was while they are trying to drop a duece. And we really don't like to be criticized for the amount of toilet paper we use.
Now, I was coping with the lack of privacy pretty well until recently. I plugged the toilet. Don't judge me, you know you've taken jumbo shits before.....it happens! This is a real life blog!
Anyway, there I was attempting to plunge the toilet when Lucy started to yell at me:
"Mommy, what did you do?"
"I plugged the potty, now I'm trying to get it to flush."
"Did you take a big poop? Or did you use too many papers?"
"Both, I guess."
Silly me thought this was the end of the conversation.
Silly, silly mommy.
That night, the neighbor came over to do a junk food swap (I gave brownies and got chocolate chip cookies!). Lucy begins to tell the neighbor about my huge shit I took, the fact that I used too much paper, how much my poop stunk, and the color of it. I've mentioned Lucy's Shit Log before, but was unaware that she was gathering data on me, too! Silly mommy.
Silly mommy is going to invest in a new lock for the bathroom while I'm in a big city this weekend. Wish me luck.