Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Heavy Load

I try not to get preach-y, but I'm a Christian.  My faith hasn't always been the strongest, and I know I make more than my share of mistakes now......and I'd rather not think back to some of the mistakes I've made in the past.  We attend church on a somewhat regular basis.  Hubs and I also attend biker parties and curse like sailors when Lucy and Ethyl crash.  But, tonight was an ah-ha moment in my faith.

I was stressing about some issues my family is facing right now.  Ethyl's health, Hub's career/education, my job, finances, my joints, my mental health, lies I've told, people I've hurt, my friends and family that are hurting, the list goes on and on and on.......all of these things were just piling up on my shoulders and back like stones in a backpack until it was literally hard for me to breathe.  I was carrying all of these burdens on my back, stressing and fretting, and stewing and getting more and more tense and working every angle of every issue I could think of when I stopped and began to pray.

I prayed for guidance and help figuring out how to handle these issues that we can and cannot control.  As I went through my list I could see Jesus standing behind me taking every single problem out of my large backpack in putting it into His own.  I could feel the weight lift as I prayed.  I began to pray for those around me (but that don't depend directly on me) who I worry about and felt more weight lift off of my back. 

Towards the end of my prayer, I was feeling really good and asked Jesus if He could just give me an umbrella to protect me from all of these rocks landing in my backpack.......I'm tired of getting knocked around by them all of the time.

He looked at me with an expression on His face that can only be described as "Are you fucking kidding me?"  (Hey!  I said I wasn't perfect, and it's my ephinany.....He knows how to get my attention!)

Without Him saying a word, I realized that if I hadn't gotten pummelled by all of those stones and been beaten down by carrying them for so long, I never would have asked Him to help me with them.

Then I laid there. 

I laid there until I realized I wasn't going to get any sleep until I shared my ah-ha moment. 

If it helps you share your load.....Wonderful.

If it makes you realize that me taking Tylenol-3 and Tylenol PM and then writing a blog should be outlawed.....Great.

But, I wanted to share it. 

I'll return to my normal, foul-mouthed, complaining, self. :)

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